As a pastor, I try to be authentic and transparent to people in our community. I’m generally fine with admitting mistakes, confessing sin, and telling people I’m still a work in progress. But, what if I don’t want to be completely transparent? What if I’m going through a rough season (or even a rough morning)? Is it hypocritical to keep this hidden?
Here’s an example …
Yesterday was the third Sunday in Advent and I’ve been preaching about the “rhythm” of this time of year and how it can be an invitation for us to slow down and reject the hectic and harried pace of our culture’s “holiday season.” The problem is my own family’s life has never seemed more rushed. I’m in anything but a peace-ful, Advent state of mind.
I felt strongly that I should continue to present to the community the Advent challenge of preparing our hearts for the coming of Jesus. And that’s what I did … and I feel like such a hypocrite. Instead of just admitting that I’ve stunk it up as a husband and father and been guilty of the very thing I’ve been warning the church about, I put on a mask and performed. Ugh …
I’ve blown it in the way I’ve been swept up into the life-draining pace of this season. I just didn’t feel like going into it yesterday with the church. I just didn’t want to be transparent. If I’d opened up, I’m afraid it wouldn’t have stopped with a mere confession of a hurried soul; I think I would have broken down and gone into more stuff that has me depressed and frustrated these days. And then I think, “is that helpful, hopeful, or edifying for the church?”
If I have anything like a “core value,” it’s authenticity, and I just squashed that yesterday. I felt like hiding behind a mask and I’m justifying it in my mind by saying it was “better for the church” as a whole, it “protected me,” and who wants a blubbering preacher interrupting their Sunday morning, anyway?
Clay pot, indeed …
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In my opinion. You “preached” the right thing. The pulpit on Sunday mornings is for Preaching & Teaching. And that’s what you did. Your teaching what we should be reaching to achieve. Not what your doing. Just like you would teach what Jesus says about life issues and not what Wayne says. I think you handled the pulpit RESPECTIVELY .
That’s tough, but I honestly appreciate you opening up and being real about this. Too many times public speakers use their “mic authority” to spew things they don’t ever attempt to live by. You don’t, and that’s what I respect so much about you. Thanks for being willing to teach what you know to be the right way and, at the same time, being willing to admit you may not always be the best at living it out. Thank God for grace, right?